I’ve been on hiatus for a few months. As much as I love writing, I found myself losing passion due to personal issues. I’ve always wanted to write from the heart and find meaning in experiences. But you know, sometimes things happen. And it can leave you feeling lost and empty.
Of being alone
Feeling that way forced me to hide inside my own shell. I engaged less, and I learned to escape the noises of the world by being alone.
At first, I was lonely…until I learned to find comfort in being alone. I stopped being attached to people. And I found out that the more time I spend with myself, the more I discovered things about myself too.
Little by little, I started seeing positivity, hope, and meaning in the things that I do. Once again, I saw a glimmer of light.
“In case you find yourself lost, start with the things that you know.”
A friend once told me that in case I find myself lost, I must start with the things that I know. And so I did. And in the hopes of grounding myself to something, I decided to stick to what I know about me:
1. I am who I am.
“You are who you are. Embrace your individuality.”
One thing that held me back in taking a step forward is that…things are about to change. But I am who I am right now. There is a chance for the future to change, but I wouldn’t let that steal the opportunities that come with the present. And so, I’ve decided to make the most of what I have right now. I am who I am right now. And that is okay.
2. I have varied interests and that makes me feel alive
“Do more of what makes you feel alive.”
At one point, I enjoyed drawing. At another, I was interested in baking. I buy a lot of things related to my “interest of the moment”, and I’ve been called out before for having different interests. But…is that really wrong?
Being alone made me realize that it’s part of my personality to have varied interests, and that’s okay. And as soon as I started accepting it, I found myself sketching again. I regained the thirst to revive my guitar. I have rediscovered my love for Asian drama (more about this soon). And being close to the arts helped bring out my emotions. No more repression, moving forward.
3. I can be emotional. And that’s okay.
“Emotions are creatures waiting to be tamed.”
I used to repress all emotional things because I was told that it makes me immature. But no one’s around to tell me that anymore.
I learned to be honest with the things that I feel: sadness, disappointments, or even the kilig that goes with watching a Korean drama. And the more I expressed my emotions, and the more honest I was with myself, the easier it was for me to manage it. And I won’t let anyone’s judgment affect me again.
4. Words are my best friend
“Let your emotions escape through your fingertips…and just write.”
And since I’ve been close to my emotions, I started writing again. There’s just something about turning abstract feelings into concrete words, the feeling of immortalizing moments by turning them into stories…one that I can return to someday.
I randomly passed by National Bookstore and saw this notebook. It wasn’t the first one I saw, but staring at the cover stirred emotions inside of me. And so I know that it’d be the perfect place to keep my narratives.
Since I’ve started writing again, I knew that I’ll go back to blogging soon. I missed sharing my stories. I missed hearing the thoughts of other people. I also missed seeing myself happy when I can express myself in a blog post.
During my hiatus, one thing that struck me the most was getting random messages from people checking on me and my blog. I received messages from blogger friends that they missed seeing my posts. And that made me feel really appreciated in what I do.
So, last night, as I got lost inside my own thoughts, I asked myself: What is stopping me from blogging? What is stopping me from doing something that I want?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
The past months were really hard for me, but I’m grateful that the lessons that went with it were really important ones. It helped me find strength that I’ve never had before. It also made me discover things about myself that I never knew (or paid attention to) before. And most importantly, I was able to discover the people who really care about me, and that is one thing I will forever be grateful for.
And so…here I am. I’ll be revamping my blog soon to reflect the changes in my life, but until then, here I am bouncing back. And not only bouncing back, but definitely bouncing higher.
Did you miss me? Holler back or leave a comment if you did! 🙂
Enjoy life. Cheers!